Goal Calendar, Not For Sissies.

I'm not messing around!!! I am going to reach my goal or I should say I'm going to accomplish multiple goals.  When I think of my big picture goal, I get a little overwhelmed. I question whether or not I can do this.  But when I think in terms of smaller goals, I feel so much more capable. I have realized that the key here, is to always keep going with new goals.  There is no stopping point where suddenly I can go back to eating junk, treating my body like crap, and not exercising.  I will never see that day. 

I put some of my favorite quotes and a couple pictures on my calendar to help me to visualize my goals.  It is also a place where I can mark off my daily work-outs and progress.  The last calendar I made had my inspiration Birthday party dress.  This one I put pictures of hot bikini bodies.  Whatever is driving me, I want to be reminded. 

My favorite quote right now is "Eat for the body you want, not the body you have." 
I know what the body I want looks like, it is strong, athletic, and lean. 
My goal is not for sissies and either is my calendar. 

I Am Officially a FREAK

I am officially a freak. I even got a sticker to prove it.

I came to this reality as I sit here, post Julie's bachelorette party, still wearing a pink tiara, eating pickles.
Its not so much that eating pickles makes me a freak, its that fact that I brushed my teeth less than 5 minutes ago.  And these pickles are awesome.
I also like to brush my teeth and drink orange or grapefruit juice.  Just a little random fact about me.

 Pickles are a great little snack, these pickles have 5 calories per serving. The old me would be eating Taco Bell right about now.  I like pickles post teeth brushing much better.

I Promise It Wont Be Boring.

I saw this on Pinterest and it made me smile.  I often wish I has a crystal ball that could show me where I am going, but I don't, so instead I just keep moving with as much enthusiasm and silliness as I can to keep things interesting.  I may not know where I'm going from here, but I promise it WONT be boring is one of my new favorite quotes. I may be a lot of things, but boring is never one of them.  Happy Friday! 

Breakfast Salad.

If ever there were an addiction to have, breakfast salads would be it.  I started eating breakfast salads a couple weeks ago and I am HOOKED! 
What is a breakfast salad you ask?  No, it doesn't have scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, or hasbrowns on it. 

A breakfast salad just caters to my sweet breakfast palate.  I use some "greener" salad mix, a heaping handful of baby spinach, red, yellow, and orange peppers, cucumbers, BLUEBERRIES and the soy nut mixture I snagged from Costco that has soy nuts, almonds, pumpkin seeds, and dried cranberries, a little feta cheese on top, and a light raspberry vinaigrette.
It is the perfect breakfast;  clean, refreshing, it has all the right textures, crunch, chewy, crisp, and most importantly, It is satisfying. 

I change it up a bit depending on what I have.  I don't always put cucumber on it. Sometimes I add mandarin oranges. The only set rule is NO TOMATOES.  I ordinarily love tomatoes but it just doesn't work for me on the breakfast salad. 

Breakfast Salad is healthy and balanced, I get my protein from the soy energy mix, plus the salad is full of good carbs, and a little fat from the dressing.  

Salad for breakfast is the best thing I have ever thought of. 

Oui Oui Paris

Paris is in the top three of my places to travel. For my birthday I'm giving myself a passport.i want to be ready when the opportunity arises. I'm going to get to Paris one way or another, but free sounds lovely. Here is how I'm going to win a free trip: http://ohhappyday.com/2011/06/goes-to-paris
Oh Happy Day is giving away a trip. Time to brush up on my French!

Casa de Sugarhouse.

I have died and gone to rental heaven.  And since I hate moving so deeply, I hope this heaven lasts for the foreseeable future.   My friend needed a roommate for his Condo in Sugarhouse and I jumped at the opportunity.  Not only is it a killer deal financially but it kicks ass in so many different ways. 
Location, location, location for one, I have so many empty walls to decorate, we both love to cook, it is quiet and peaceful, and the pool is Fe-nominal...seriously its the best community pool I have ever beheld. 

As excited as I am about Casa de Sugarhouse, I will miss the Toolen farm with all the excitement and love I felt there.  April and Josh are amazing friends!  I loved that after being together for 4 months, we never had a fight or disagreement.  They both were so incredibly generous and thoughtful.

I think the best part of Casa de Sugarhouse is that I dont feel like Im in someone's space.  My roommate and I have an equal share in the place. Even if it isn't true, it feels that way.

My roommate was showing me some pictures from the riots up in Canada earlier in the week.  We joked about enlarging one of the pictures for our living room wall, so I took initiative and made it happen.  Here is the pictures:

 I loved the picture as soon as I saw it. I love that all the chaos is out of focus but the passionate kiss is in focus.  I love the color scheme.  I love the symbolism.  I will post pictures once it is framed on the wall too.

The other little project that I am stoked about is my headboard/ nightstand.

Its a work in progress but I just loved the two Lack wall shelves I picked up from Ikea a year ago and decided to go get two more. 
One of the very few good things about moving is that you get to take all the things you own and come up with something new.  Its fun for a person like me, who loves to decorate.

She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Pink Polka Dot Bikini.

Yesterday was an amazing Saturday.  I was up at 6:30 am.  I made my 3egg white, spinach, and pepper omelet.  I packed my after work-out protein shake and my lunch.  I was at the gym by 7:30.  I made it through 60 minutes of Cycle.  The usual Sat morning instructor was volunteering at Ragnar so we had a sub.  I loved her technique.  She kept us moving through an imaginary bike ride.  Big right and left turns to work our sides and I loved the 3 minutes intervals with a constant progression of incline.  It was Epic. I conquered 26 miles with out leaving the room.

I had a great time with Janabanana at Ikea and I got exactly what I needed for my killer night stand.(A post to follow soon)  I then Finished getting unpacked at the new place.  
After my long list of to-do's were marked off, I spent a delicious hour at the pool, soaking up the sun and stretching out my muscles in the water.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have had a problem with being vulnerable.  I only want people to see the best in me.  In someways its being good at P.R.  Its projecting a positive image.  But it has also been exhausting trying to be perfect.  This is wear the Bikini comes in.  I have the cutest Pink Polka Dot Bikini.  I got the top last summer but always covered it with a tank top.  I didnt even dare buy the bottoms.  Well, for the sake of being brave, a couple weeks back I saw a pink stripped bikini bottom, with the exact shade of pink as my top and without giving in to my fear...went to the check out counter. 
So yesterday when my room-mate said "lets go to the pool" I had a mini panic attack.  All of my other swim suits were packed away.  I stood there in the mirror staring at the cutest swimsuit I have ever owned, wondering if I could do it.  The funny thing about this battle is that wearing a tankini really doesn't make me look any thinner, it just adds more fabric.  So why was this so hard for me?  

Hard or not, I walked out there.  Every step was beyond uncomfortable. But I did it anyway and loved the feeling of the my skin soaking up the sun.  But most importantly I loved the feeling of being weightless in the water without being weighed down by layers of hiding... I mean fabric. 
I am doing the things that scare me and just embracing my body where I am at.  It was completely uncomfortable.  But It was also empowering.

My Itsy Bitsy Teeny Tiny Pink Polka Dot Bikini make me happy just looking at it and that is what matters when I walk out to the pool. 

The Awful Truth In Pictures

A couple weeks ago one of my coworkers said to me "you are the most optimistic person I have ever known."  I thought about if for a second and then said "my childhood wasn't easy and I had to believe that things would get better or I never would have survived." 
This optimism is ingrained in every part of me.  If I'm talking about money, I always round the dollar amount to whatever is more positive.  If an item is $2.98 and I'm trying to save money...then it only costs $2.  If I made $175 selling cakeballs, then I made $200. 

This week I came face to face with another way in which my optimism skews my reality.  I'm not going to lie, this little realization is a difficult to swallow. 

You see, over the years I have been accused of being both photogenic and a picture Nazi.  I will say that both are true.  I usually look good in pictures, much to the chagrin of those less photogenic than I.  I have also been a little ridiculous (emphasis on a little) when it comes to people tagging me in pictures on Facebook, especially when said pictures are less than flattering.

My photo Nazi ways stem from the fact that I always want to put my best foot forward.  And I don't want people to see my flaws.  So I am good at flattering photo angles, cropping pictures, and as a back up I take a plethora of picture to ensure I always get a good one. 

This week I threw all of that away and let my trainer take what  I am calling "the awful truth in pictures."  I am participating in a 6 week contest with 25 other people to lose the most body fat percentage.  In the last two weeks I have lost 5.5 Lbs and 2.87 % body fat.  I am so thrilled about the fruit of my efforts.  I feel so in control, healthy, and happy.  But when I saw the pictures, I was shocked at how fat I still look.  It seems that my optimism even stretches to my self image.  I remember reading a long time ago that people with eating disorders have a skewed image of themselves and think they are bigger than they really are.  While I'm the opposite, I think of myself as thinner than I really am.

I wasn't being real or honest.  Being optimistic is a wonderful quality, one that I hope to never lose, but in this case, it has not served me well.  So I'm doing something that SCARES ME.  I'm posting these awful pictures.  Because I would rather be real and awful and working for improvement, than pretend and do nothing.  Here we go!  All 252 LBS of me. 

Here is the real me.  No flattering angles, not cropping, just me. 
This picture of my back makes me want to cry.  But I'm not waisting tears.  I am putting everything I have into a better healthier life.  I love the feeling of accomplishment after a 60 minute cycle class, especially when I had to fight every second not to quit.  In the last two weeks I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time making amazing, quality meals.  I have loved the workouts that my trainer Heidi Carter helps me through. 
As I'm writing this blog, I just got a text from my trainer, I am in the lead.  Two weeks down, 4 more to go with this contest.  I know I am going to win. 
And after the contest, I'm going to keep going, for the rest of my life!!!!!!

The Remnants of My Twenties

With so little of my "Twenties" left,  I cant help but look back and take stock. I have had some big gains, big set backs, and some pretty epic mistakes.  I am not that same girl that thought she had it together and took on her twenties head on.  I am a woman who made it through and now realizes how "not together" I was 10 years ago.  I barely knew myself.  I was weak, insecure, trusting, and a little lost.  But I was also sweet, generous, fun, smart, loving, and adventurous.
 
I dropped out of college, I got a job, got fired, got a new job, went back to school, went into debt, graduated with a bachelors degree, fell in love, was given a diamond, had my heart broken, gave the diamond back, fell out of love, played the field, and played a whole lot.  I gave up religion and became more at peace with God.
I lost friends, gained friends, I lost my Grandpa and Gramgram and never stop missing them. But I gained so much from being there for them when they needed me at the end.  

I found out I am really good at dancing, loving, being independent, party planning, digital scrap-booking, and being diplomatic.
Who knew that I would really like hiking, I didn't see that one coming. I feel my sexiest at the gym, covered in sweat, working to be my best.
I am an excellent cook and baker.  Well maybe not the Food Network Star excellent but Im on my way.
 

I don't love easily or quickly, but when I do love...I love fiercely.

And one of my favorite lessons, that I am beautiful in spite of the ridiculous amount of flaws I posses. 

I remember a few years back, a fight I had with a boyfriend, he was upset with me because of something I had done years earlier. We were downtown and we gave each other the silent treatment the whole train ride home.  I was so mad that he was mad.  So finally I said to him "Im only going to have this conversation once.  If you love me, if you love this person that I am, then you have to love all of me, including the mistakes I made in the past.  They are the reason I am who I am today and why I am the person that you love!" 

I have had to take my own advice on this one and found a way to love myself in spite of my mistakes.  I genuinely like who I am. 

So while at 29 I may not have a big house on the hill with a swimming pool in the backyard.  I haven't yet become a successful entrepreneur. I haven't yet been to Paris, Japan to see the sakura, Hawaii, or New York.  And I dont have the amazing husband or the beautiful babies that I just know Im going to make. But I do have the self assurance the I am right where I am supposed to be and I have tomorrow to gain all the things I want.  I have a feeling that ...