The Awful Truth In Pictures

A couple weeks ago one of my coworkers said to me "you are the most optimistic person I have ever known."  I thought about if for a second and then said "my childhood wasn't easy and I had to believe that things would get better or I never would have survived." 
This optimism is ingrained in every part of me.  If I'm talking about money, I always round the dollar amount to whatever is more positive.  If an item is $2.98 and I'm trying to save money...then it only costs $2.  If I made $175 selling cakeballs, then I made $200. 

This week I came face to face with another way in which my optimism skews my reality.  I'm not going to lie, this little realization is a difficult to swallow. 

You see, over the years I have been accused of being both photogenic and a picture Nazi.  I will say that both are true.  I usually look good in pictures, much to the chagrin of those less photogenic than I.  I have also been a little ridiculous (emphasis on a little) when it comes to people tagging me in pictures on Facebook, especially when said pictures are less than flattering.

My photo Nazi ways stem from the fact that I always want to put my best foot forward.  And I don't want people to see my flaws.  So I am good at flattering photo angles, cropping pictures, and as a back up I take a plethora of picture to ensure I always get a good one. 

This week I threw all of that away and let my trainer take what  I am calling "the awful truth in pictures."  I am participating in a 6 week contest with 25 other people to lose the most body fat percentage.  In the last two weeks I have lost 5.5 Lbs and 2.87 % body fat.  I am so thrilled about the fruit of my efforts.  I feel so in control, healthy, and happy.  But when I saw the pictures, I was shocked at how fat I still look.  It seems that my optimism even stretches to my self image.  I remember reading a long time ago that people with eating disorders have a skewed image of themselves and think they are bigger than they really are.  While I'm the opposite, I think of myself as thinner than I really am.

I wasn't being real or honest.  Being optimistic is a wonderful quality, one that I hope to never lose, but in this case, it has not served me well.  So I'm doing something that SCARES ME.  I'm posting these awful pictures.  Because I would rather be real and awful and working for improvement, than pretend and do nothing.  Here we go!  All 252 LBS of me. 

Here is the real me.  No flattering angles, not cropping, just me. 
This picture of my back makes me want to cry.  But I'm not waisting tears.  I am putting everything I have into a better healthier life.  I love the feeling of accomplishment after a 60 minute cycle class, especially when I had to fight every second not to quit.  In the last two weeks I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time making amazing, quality meals.  I have loved the workouts that my trainer Heidi Carter helps me through. 
As I'm writing this blog, I just got a text from my trainer, I am in the lead.  Two weeks down, 4 more to go with this contest.  I know I am going to win. 
And after the contest, I'm going to keep going, for the rest of my life!!!!!!