Foo Fighters Miracle

 

Foo Fighters....where to begin. Just saying their name makes me smile. I heart them crazy mad. Which is totally bizarre because I'm not fanatical about any other band or celebrity in the world. But I am "fan"atical about Foo Fighters.  I have been a fan since 1999.  The year I graduated from high school and at 17 years old, went off to college.

I remember loving the song Hero and watching Learn To Fly's music video in my dorm room.  In 1999 I let go of the introverted, shy girl.  I let go of who my family and religion expected me to be. I let go of so many of my insecurities and other peoples expectations of me and started the path to becoming me....  

Within the next couple years I had so many firsts.  Every time I hear the song Everlong it takes me back to one amazing moment, wrapped in the arms of a man, snuggled up on his couch.  The lyrics "Breath out, so I can breath you in,"are exactly that moment for me.  I will never forget the way his breath became mine.  He did look a lot like Dave Grohl so that just further connected the two things forever.   And after things went bad, the lyrics "the only thing I'll ever ask of you, you gotta promise not to stop when I say when, she sang"  I sang.

Times Like These, was MY anthem for taking another chance at love. 

I cant help but sing along to the intro of All My Life EVERY time I hear it:  

"All my life Ive been searching for something. Something never comes, never leads to nothing, nothing satisfies, but Im getting close.  Closer to the prize at the end of the rope."

I could go on and on about Pretender.  In fact, I have. Just this past spring I sat on my Dad's patio in Phoenix, enjoying the perfect temperature, just as the sun was setting.  I spent an hour telling my dad how awesome Foo Fighters are and how bad ass Pretender is. I made him listen to it.  

 The lyrics to Best of You hit me in a very deep place. 

"Were you born to resist or be abused?... Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?"

 So back in June, when Foo Fighters updated their Facebook that new tour dates would be announced... and Utah fans would be happy, my heart actually did a cartwheel.  I swear. I missed them at the Olympics here in 2000 because I was a poor college student and couldnt get tickets.  So while I didnt exactly have the money in my budget, at exactly 10 AM, I logged into Ticketmaster for presale tickets.  I was one of the first in SLC to get my tickets.   All summer I talked about the upcoming concert.  I had every intention of getting so close, I could see the sweat drip off of Dave Grohl's face.  

But then something devasting happened.  I had a disk "the size of a house" violently smash against my nerves and spinal cord and ended up in emergency surgery.

When I finally got home from the hospital, I remember laying in my bed, staring across my room at the awesome calendar I made for September-October with a giant picture of the Foo Fighters. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks, all the things that were different.  I now had to walk with a walker, I had a less than sexy back brace, I couldnt shower myself, I could barely make it to the bathroom.  I couldnt bend or twist....I wasn't just missing the feeling in my feet, legs, and butt....I was missing Foo Fighters because the concert was in 11 days.  

I cried so hard for so many hours.  I cried about my feet, the prospect of never wearing high heels again, but missing the Foo Fighters was beyond painful.  So I pushed the thought away.  I tried to get stronger.  I went to work way too soon. I went to bed early every night. I went for walks, everyday a little farther.  

But as it got closer I just knew how fragile I was.  I knew how dangerous it could be for me to be in a crowd of smushed together people. It could be a disaster.  So I decided to give my tickets to a friend. I sent the text offering my tickets but it broke my heart a little.  By the next day I knew I couldnt miss this concert. 

So I called the venue instead.  I called for three days straight.  On the third day, I called three times before I got the box office manager.  I explained my situation and he offered me what felt like a miracle.  I could watch my favorite band from the "PENALTY BOX" of the arena.  It makes me giggle every time I say it.  The penalty box is right on the ground but nobody could knock me over, I had walls to lean against, a way to walk a little and sit a little. It was as close to perfect as I could get. 

Gab helped me decorate my walker with black glitter spraypaint and we made a sign that said Foo Fighters or Bust.  We met our friends Derek and Romina at the Puck for a little Prefunk/dinner. I was like a little kid waiting for santa.  The anticipation and excitement helped me physically to make it happen, no matter how tired I was. 

I wish I could articulate the emotions and excitement I felt throughout the night.  It was better than birthdays, Christmas, and Disneyland!  The energy and power of the music and the band were AWESOME!!!!

This is what exhausted lools like!

And I swear there was a moment, as Dave stood on the second stage right in front of me, where I held up my walker with my "Foo Fighters or Bust"sign and he looked at me and smiled. Gabalicious was so awesome she surprised me with my now favorite Foo Fighter shirt and Derek and Romina were a blast to hang out with in the "penalty box." Since Romina had never been to a rock concert, I was thrilled to be with her as her "rock concert cherry," was popped. 

For days before and the days since the concert, I have been rockn' out to Foo Fighters constantly.  The songs are in my head all day, everyday.  Im certain my roomate and friends will attest, I have the "Foo Fever."  I have it bad!! 

Truth be told, this has been a devastatingly tough week for me.  One of my darkest in fact.   I wasn't prepared to hear what the surgeon told me for my post op appointment. I wasn't prepared for "maybe never," in reference to ever feeling certain parts of my body that I hold dear. I wasn't prepared to hear the term "cuada equina syndrome."  I am so not together, I almost don't know myself.  But tonight I did what I do most nights, I crawled into bed,  turned on Foo Fighters music and just got lost.  I spent hours watching their music videos and interviews online and then I realized why....because when Im doing those things,  I am not thinking about all the things I cant feel or do. I am thinking about that magical moments on the couch and past heartbreaks I over came.  Im thinking about what their music highlights about life.  Its ups and downs.  The heart breaks,  the tragedies, but more importantly, life's triumps, the amazing unexpected moments, the miracles.