So Live, Love, Toil with a Will...

Last week I took the plunge and got my next tattoo.  I started designing this tat with Josh back in June but with life and scheduling, it wasnt until now that I finally found the perfect time.  I came across the inspiration for my swallow on one of my favorite websites, ETSY.com.  It had nothing to do with a tattoo but I loved how feminine the swallow was.  Sailors used to get Swallow tattoos to signifies completing a journey and coming home.  That is exactly what these birds mean to me.  I love the hard things I have overcome and the feeling of finally coming into my own.  I like being me.  No apologies, no regrets.  I love looking back at the less than confindant me and all the choices or mistakes I made then, that helped me grow and learn. I Woudnt be me today without that girl. 
The words I chose are also especially dear to my heart.  My Grandma Peeples used to love the poem below.  When she passed away, the clock she had worn around her neck for years stopped working as well.  I have always loved  the line "to live, love, toil with a will," because I think that those are the ingrediants for happiness.  To live by taking chances and putting myself out there.  Love, the greatest gift to give or receive. To toil with a will, meaning to be industrious and hard working.  But not just work hard, do it by choice and with purpose.    
With working full time and running my little Cakeball business, I really know what it means to toil with a will.  I know what late nights and early mornings look like and what it means to be exhaused.  I also know how much happiness it affords me.  It gives me hope in a practically hopeless world that my future is in my hands.

"The clock of life is wound but once

and no man has the power

to tell just when that hand will stop

at late or early hour.

Now is the only time you own

so live, love, toil with a will

place no faith in tomorrow

for the clock may then be still."

 

 I used the favorite part of one of my favorite poems for my latest poem. 

Thanks Josh, you did an awesome job! 

Check out My Halloween Cakeballs on ggcakeballs.com

http://www.ggcakeballs.com/2010/10/perfect-halloween-treat-cakeballs.html

True Friendship

Friendship means so many different things to different people and over the years I have had some amazing friends. I have also had some amazingly awful friends. Some friendships have lasted a season and some friendships have spanned decades and I'm hoping a lifetime. Some friendships have built me up and made me a better person, while others have torn me down and broken my heart.

Over the last 6 month I have thought a ton about why some friends are irreplaceable and devastating to lose and other times, a friendship ending is a relief.

What I recognize is that there are a few key ingredients to a great friendship. I haven't always valued the same qualities, but as Ive changed, my priorities when it comes to friends has changed as well. Now more than ever, I value friends who contribute, who are positive, and most importantly friends who can handle real conversations about problems and even occasional criticism.

Ive never wanted to be a critical person, in fact, I have spent most of my life trying to avoid being critical, but after years of living with a person , biting my tongue, and avoiding saying the criticisms I felt, I can recognize what a disservice I did to both him and I. I spent years not fighting with him, instead of years fighting to save us. I wasn't being real or honest. I was being a chicken. Because criticism doesn't have to be cruel or mean. Criticism, used in the right way, can be a gift.

My amazing friend Nissa is very dear to my heart. She has taught me the power in being real. She says it all the time, "if we can't be real with each other, our friendship wont last." In the beginning of our friendship this was a hard thing for me. It was really hard for me to tell her when she upset me. It was hard to say how I really felt. It was hard to tell her that I felt she was being a "pot-stirrer" or "inappropriate." She was constantly saying "why didn't you tell me this two weeks ago?" I tried to explain that I wanted to get over my anger or frustration first, and if I couldn't let it go, then talk to her. She wasn't having it. She WANTED to know if I was upset or angry. Not weeks later, but in that moment. She really wanted me to tell her the truth...not the sugar coated, easy version, but the sometimes harsh, scary, messy TRUTH.

Each time I told the truth, I was surprised. Her reaction wasn't one of self defence, anger, or hostility but one of humility, introspection, understanding, and love.  Her insistance created an environment where things cant build and fester. The gift of being able to say the truth is more valuable than I can put into words. Being friends with someone who really sees me, even the messy, scary parts of me, and still loves me is priceless. And having the kind of friend who tells me what they really think and feel is a treasure I hope everyone finds.

I also have a few amazing friends who really contribute. Friends that are always there for me in huge ways. Who I swear do more for me than I can ever do for them.

Gabrielle is a perfect example of this. She was having a hard time financially, she had just been laid off and takes care of both her daughter (my niece) and her grandma. I offered to let her stay with me. You would think that I was doing her a favor but after 6 months of her living with me, I feel like I got the better end of the stick. Every weekday morning for months, Gab would wake up early and head out in to the bitter, frigid, horrid, did I say bitter, cold, winter morning to sweep the snow from my car and start my engine. For anyone who knows me, I hate the winter and being cold. Gab did for me the most amazing thing, she made my entire winter less bitter, frigid, horrid,and cold. Talk about contributing. This is just one example of the constant contributions from Gabrielle. 

April is another great friend who is really there for me.  I love what our friendship has grown into. No matter what I have going on, April is always the first to offer her help. Whether its spending HOURS helping me move, getting up before the sun to help me in the commercial kitchen to make 500 cakeballs even though she didn't get any sleep, bringing me a Red Mango or Coffee to brighten my day at work. April is so thoughtful and generous.
What I love about all three of these friends, is that while I am the common thread, they are all very good to each other. They are positive, inclusive, and fun. Its not about jealousy, insecurity, scowls, whispering in the corner, don't take more pictures with her than me; Its about having fun and being good to each other. It is so nice to leave all the drama behind. It is so nice to have friends who have enough self confidence to recognize how unique and awesome they are and not make me choose between them.

My friend Sherie is another person that has taught me so much about friendship and generosity.  We both have similar challenges when it come to our finances and she is always the first to text or call me anytime she has any extra to see if  I need anything. She goes to her fridge to see what she can give me. We may have different religious view, different priorities, different ideas on fun, different social circles, but we share the same love and respect for each other.

In the reverse of these amazing qualities, I consider a bad friend to be someone who cant be real or honest, someone who doesn't contribute, and someone who is negative.

As I mentioned before, I have had some awful friends who fit this exact description. Friends who wouldn't say to me what they were thinking or feeling, but could take the time to tell our family, their other friends, write blogs about it, but NEVER say a word to me.  Then there are friends who just disappear without a trace and friends who take more than they give.   Everyone at one time or another has been a bad friend. Even I have been one.  We are all imperfect.  We say things we don't mean, take offense, give the silent treatment, make sarcastic comments on social media sites to vent our hurt and frustration, and we talk behind backs. 

I can see myself in a few of these actions.  But the beauty of this life, is that just because I made a mistake yesterday doesn't mean I have to make the same one today.  In the face of hurt feelings, pride, blame, negativity, selfishness, and slander,  I can hold my head high today and be above it.
I can cherish the beautiful friends that I have and let go of the ones that don't work. And most importantly, I can watch these amazing, generous, loving, and gifted women and learn from them about how to be a better friend. 

Check out Goodness Gracious Cakeballs

If you are looking for a great treat for your next pot luck, baby shower, family gathering, or Halloween party
check out Goodness Graciou Cakeballs
http://www.ggcakeballs.com/2010/09/spice-cakeballs-perfect-fall-treat-fall.html

Baby Shower Heaven

I had the pleasure of hosting two baby showers this weekend with the help of my wonderful aunt Jana and Cousin Tori. I had asked Jana if we could do Aaron and Iryna's shower in her back yard and since her and Tori were already planning Nicole's baby shower, we decided to combine efforts.  It was awesome! I loved having people I love working together doing what I love.

As I prepared for the baby showers, planning color schemes, making little tutu's for my little niece Sia, shopping for Nicole's little man and finding the perfect little outfits for Sia, I couldn't help but be filled with pure joy and excitement.  I can't wait to meet my little niece, to hold her, and shower her with love. 

I have also been so touched and proud of my little brother Aaron. He has grown up into such an incredibly loyal, sweet, compassionate, and doting husband and soon to be Father.  I get a little choked up thinking about it. 

I really admire Iryna's devotion to her and little Sia's health. I'm sure it hasn't been easy, but she just keep at it.  Oh and her rockn' it in a bikini the other day while 8 months pregnant. I'm so impressed and she looked beautiful.

Back to the shower, since we were doing a baby shower for both a baby girl and baby boy, we went with more neutral colors.  Thank goodness Iryna doesn't like pink.  We had peach, orange, aqua, and teal tablecloths and balloons. 

We made Rootbeer, Cap'n Crunch, Pina Colada, and Spice Cakeballs.  Every single one of the cakeballs were gone at both showers.  Jana made an Asian Coleslaw and fresh spring veggie pizza.  I made a spinach strawberry salad and the chicken salad sandwiches. Tori made an amazing pasta salad and helped me with all the cakeballs. 

The weather was perfect. Jana's backyard was beautiful with a few late season flowers still holding their bloom.  The food was great.  And the best part, 20 of the most loving, generous, supportive, and positive friends and family. 

It was such a good day, Iryna and Aaron both thought so too.

Here are some of my favorite pics

The Fear of Failure and the Joy of Success

I have thought so much about the book, the Alchemist this past two weeks.  Its about a boy who sets off on a journey to find a treasure he had a dream about.
A couple months back, while doing recipe research for my cousin's 400 wedding cupcakes, I stumbled upon the Cakeball.  I had never had cakeball or even heard about one at that point, but it looked amazing, so I stashed the idea away for a future use.
At my first opportunity I took my favorite pink grapefruit cupcake recipe and converted it into a cakeball.  They were so delicious.  I started making them for any and every event and then the idea hit me cakeballs are to die for good, it's a new thing, and I have a far more unique twist than any cakeballs I have seen.  All of the other cakeballs I have found are boring. i.e. Chocolate, white cake, red velvet.  I could make a successful business with these little balls of heaven and doing it being creative.
Goodness Gracious Cakeballs was born.  I am loving making cakeballs for birthday parties, baby showers, and the occasional bake sale, but I "had to step it up if I wanted to make it to nationals!"  So I applied for a booth at the Park City Farmers Market.  Im not going to lie, I was almost relieved that they didnt respond to my application for over a week.  I was off the hook, I could say I tried and that it was out of my hands.
But then I got the call that I was accepted and could register for the last 4 Sundays of the season.  Panic struck me with a furry!  I wasn't ready for this.  I couldn't do this.  There was too much to do, too little time.  
This is where the Alchemist comes in.

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure." The Alchemist

It helped me to remember that its ok to have fear, its not ok to not go for what I want because of that fear.

So I dove in head first, getting my food handlers permit, tax id #, finding and renting a commercial kitchen, purchasing everything I needed.
But when it comes to making over 500 cakeballs, I really couldnt do it all.
My other favorite quote from the Alchemist is:

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." The Alchemist

I felt the truth of this in my very soul.
My mom, aunt, cousins, and friends spent countless hours helping me in the kitchen from sun up until the wee hours of the morning.  They did more than I ever could have asked of them or ever expected.  Long after exhaustion had kicked in, they were still there.  Bagging and bowing gorgeous little cakeballs.  Then three hours later showed back up at my house to head up to Park City and spend 11 hours on our feet. 
The universe did conspire to help me sell 400 cakeballs, it did conspire to help me move forward in achieving my dreams.  It also helped me to recognize the AMAZING people I have on my side, who believe in me, and love me.
There is nothing better in life than chasing my dreams.
Check our my website :  www.ggcakeballs.com or www.ggcakeballs.blogspot.com

 

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I can do anything, I can do this

About 2 months ago I walked into my favorite baking/cooking specialty shop Spoons and Spice and purchased 2 vanilla beans. It was my first time holding a real vanilla bean and I felt a moment of intimidation, but then a calm that I know all too well came over me, "I can do anything." I have that attitude with almost all things in my life. I see something cool and think, I can do that, and then I do.


But as I walked out to my car marveling at my self assurance, I recognized a big area of my life where I don't feel like I can do anything, my weight. Baking hundreds of cupcakes and the 15 LBS I gained from perfecting my Coconut, Ruby Red Grapefruit, Carrot, and Real Vanilla bean cupcake recipes, helped me to recognize that I am addicted to sugar and a little out of control.

I had to ask my self, If I can do anything, why can't I do this? I pondered this questioned that night as I sliced open the vanilla bean to discover thousand and thousands of tiny specs of vanilla. It was almost magical. My first attempt at slicing and collecting the vanilla beans was less than stellar, but by the second bean, I had the hang of it. The vanilla cupcakes was phenomenally better than if I had just thrown in some extract.

Each little or big mountain I tackle, gives me that much more confidence to tackle bigger mountains.

So here I am tackling another mountain, because I can do anything, I can do this.
July 1st kicked off my self changing experiment.  I spent 15 days exercising regularly, both at the gym and going on several hikes. 
I didn't consume ANY sugar!! I even skipped out on fruit and stayed away from carbs.  I spent that 15 days eating nuts, string cheese, lots of veggies and lean meats...peanut butter and celery was my favorite breakfast.  I had zero alcohol..that's right, zero. I went to 3 different 4th of July parties, I withstood the social pressure and my love of a cold beer on a hot day.  I was committed and therefore it was an easy choice and what I had a blast.  I lost a total of 14 lbs in 15 days.  Day 16 was my birthday and wow, did I feel good about myself.
One of my favorite bday pics:

With all that has been going on in the last few weeks since my birthday I haven't been quite as strict.  I have been eating blueberries, watermelon, and the occasional treat.  I still have so much further to go, but its nice to know that I can do anything, I can do this!